Monday, October 12, 2009

"This is a really weird, sticky pen."

Don't ask. Actually, do ask.

My friend just said that. She couldn't get it out of her hand. I have no idea why, it must have some sort of diabolical quality which makes it... diabolical.

As a result, there is no result.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Less Stupidity = ?

Let's face it. Acting less stupid often results in making you look more stupid. With that in mind, let's cut the excess b.s. and get right to the point.

Yesterday, my brother and I were in a car accident. It was pretty mild, but I did come out of it with a busted nose. Goodness knows what would've happened had our car been on the freeway.

But I view it as a blessing. It breaks what I call "the mundane."

Here's the definition in Jon Paz's New and Old World Dictionary Which Primarily Consists of Words People Don't Know:

Mundane, The (noun) 1. The ordinary routine of life.
Synonyms: rut, daily groove, normality.

Not that there's anything against normality. In fact, I would recommend it for some strange people. But it's the over-normality I'm talking about. You know, the people that get up at 6:45 every morning, go to Starbucks at 7:30, order a 3 shot Vanilla Latte, and get to work at 8:00. They hit Jason's Deli everyday at exactly noon, and leave work at 6:00. They go home, watch tv, and then they go to sleep.


I find that The Mundane is like a bubble. The longer we are in it, the thicker it becomes, shutting us off from the other aspects of life. Sometimes it takes a car accident, a tragedy, or a giant ape ripping through New York to pop these thick, overgrown bubbles. It's not that these are always bad, they just take our sight off the prize, the focus from our lives, the sparkle in our eyes. The spectrum, once vividly colorful, becomes blurred in the constant mayhem of order, and in a world where we must learn to live, we live to live.

Get it? Now, think about it, are you trapped by a bubble? Am I, sitting here right now, typing this blog, trapped in a bubble?

The truth is always, to some extent, yes. We need to pop these things! They trap us. Some people like the security, but then, in the moment of crisis, they are the ones panicking, the ones that cause more trouble than good.

How can we rid ourselves of The Mundane?
Here are a few tips, categorized from easy to hard:

1) Watch the news every once in a while, don't let it become your mundane.
2) Get up a little earlier and watch the sun rise. It's rewarding.
3) Drink your coffee without creamer and sugar.
4) Ask people something extraordinary.
5) Bike somewhere at night.
6) Exercise your talents in new ways.
7) Go camping in the rain.
8) Love somebody.
9) Do something crazy alone.
10) Take a trip around the country. Hitchhiking.

And last but not least:

11) Go streaking.

Okay, maybe not.

Any more suggestions? Leave a comment!


Wednesday, September 30, 2009

... Where in the World are the Worldly Ways of the World Taking Our World?

I don't know. It was an attention getter. Don't ask. Anyways.

We are in the midst of inner turmoil, and guess what? It's internally in the middle of inside us.

The Ameri-Franco Alliance was an alliance in which France and America allied to agree that American and France were now allied.

Considering we are no longer at home here, why do we feel a subtle sense of feeling at home?

If you've made it this far without being confused, can you count how many brain cells you've lost?

This box contains MAGIC!
So. I and a friend are starting a new blog soon. It'll be awesome.

I'll catch ya on the flip side.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

The Spaghetti Monster Event

That's right. If you're reading this, you may be asking, "What in all of God's beautiful green grassed,
cow grazed,
hay manufactured,
agriculture industry stimulating,
91% ORGANIC (still, surprisingly),
globally warming earth is the

Spaghetti Monster Incident?*

In point of fact, that is EXACTLY what I am wondering.

So, this marks the kickoff of the first, yes, FIRST!

Contest on my blog. Guess what? You could win a fantastically amazing prize by coming up with the best answer to this burning question!†

Here are the Rules:

1) Post it as a comment to this blog.
2) You can use any quote I've ever made.
3) You must allow me to post the winning and runner up guess on my main blog.
4) You have to be cool.
5) You must use a keyboard to type the answer.
6) Number four is not a rule, just a suggestion.
7) Scratch #4 and #6.

*No purchase necessary. Some restrictions may apply. Applicant subject to boredom due to constantly reading fine print. Come to think of it, what is a spaghetti monster?

†Prize may not be cool. There may be no prize. If you are the only one who enters, BOOYAH! Someone's actually reading this.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Sharif Don't Like It?

Nah nah nah... Rocking the Casbah! Rockin' the Casbah!

Nah nah nah nah... nah nah nah nah... Hey hey hey, goodbye.

Nah nah nah...? What's with these "nah's"?

Today is Classic Rock day. Aerosmith and The Clash and Poison and all them goodies.

Yeah. So that pretty much concludes today's blog. Yep. Sorry. Maybe I'll feel bad and write something good later.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Ramen is a Miracle Food

It is. You know it is. Really, just take my word for it.

If you've never eaten it, go buy some. They're like 15 cents a piece. Not on sale. Also, if you've never eaten it, where in God's beautiful green grassed, cow grazed, hay manufactured, agriculture industry stimulating, 91% organic (still, surprisingly), climate changing world do you live?

Perhaps Mars, or maybe Russia, where the KGB will kill you if you have food.

Be it the former or the latter, where did you get internet access? Really?
Let's get off the topic of ramen.

Once again, being monsoon season and all here, it rained again. Today it was, in the most extreme form of the word, DUMPING.

Not like guys do to girls.*

I mean in in the sense that it seemed a supernatural force with a giant fire hose decided to spray my humble home. Rather house. Definitely "house."

We'll get to that another time. At any rate, I had a very interesting conversation today. It went as follows...

Her: "Hey buddy."

Me: "You know how I dislike being called, 'buddy.'"

Her: "Sorry about that."

Me: "It's okay, you didn't know."

Her: "Uhm..."

Me: "So..."

Her: "So I think this is not really a very engaging, funny, or in any other way interesting."

Me: "Holy... did you just say that? It's like you were narrating our conversation for people to read later."

Her: "They probably won't notice."

Me: "Are you talking to me?

Her: "Today was ridiculous. Mood: Chill. Current Music: Some annoying guy."

Me: (Looks at camera) "What a waste."

Her: "What?"

Me: "Don't start."


Anyways, I found out she wasn't talking to me. Uneventful day, besides the rain. Good. Night.

*If a guy dumps a guy, it's about the as socially acceptable as, say, getting castrated.†

†If you are a eunuch, I'm sorry, I did not mean to offend you.˚
˚If you are a eunuch, please let me know why you have a will to live.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


So today was weird. It was pretty much the most packed full day of the last month. Stuffed. Like those nasty green peppers that your mom always tried to make you eat when you were younger. You know what I mean. Speaking of full and moms, isn't it strange how Moms are always chock- full of strange aphorisms that don't have an ending. Like,
"Preparation is the key."

To what, may I ask? Life, knowledge, the pursuit of happiness?

Now it's time for the greek phrase of the day.

Novus ortus deficio mens mentis. Or, put more simply, Bardus.

Lemme give you a hint, it's what I am.

It just started raining outside. I am sitting by the screen door, taking in the smells and sounds of this downpour. The scent is swirling around me; caressing my nose until I can no longer think about what I'm doing. The wind created by the falling droplets of water are pushing air that is wafting through the door. Wrapping a pleasant mixture of cool and warm air, it's just what my tired fingers need for rejuvenation. It's like getting high off of nature.

I think I'm gonna go jump around in the rain. Catch you later.